It's Not the Needle

Isaiah has pneumonia right now. Didn't even know he was sick. Usually it starts as a cold or something more simple. Nope. Not for my baby who had severe strep throat before even getting a little bit fussy. He doesn't really let me know when something bothers or hurts him.

He is a very laid back baby. Everyone tells me I was "so blessed" to have such an easy baby. And on the surface it is a blessing that he is easygoing. He likes everyone he meets. Doesn't get upset if someone new holds him. He's okay when Mama leaves the room. He whines some when he's tired. He does get mad when he's hungry. But he usually gives me some warning before he gets good and mad. Sleeps through the night most nights. Doesn't get too upset if he has to hang out in his Johnny Jump Up or bouncer while I tend to the house or older boys, or cooking, or phone calls. You know, the stuff that stay at home moms REALLY do instead of the stereotype of sitting on the couch watching daytime tv and sipping iced tea.

Back to my point. Yes, it is a big blessing that he is so easygoing and there has never been a time when he's inconsolable. I hit the jackpot and it is well deserved with my crazy boys who have me busy from the time they wake up til after they go to sleep. But there is a flip side to that. One that not many people see. So I will share it with you now.

I was told early on that children with Down Syndrome have a strong pain tolerance. In fact, I have to be very careful because he might really be hurt and not make a big fuss therefore I don't know he's hurt. I had my first experience with this pain tolerance when I took him in for a possible ear infection. When I touched his left ear, he frowned and would almost cry. After the exam, the doctor said that not only does he have a definite ear infection, he also has strep throat. I was floored. My 3 month old baby had strep throat and yet he was only eating about 4 oz less than normal? I attributed it to the ear infection. Had no clue he had a sore throat as well.

Now, if he doesn't fuss over a sore throat and barely winces at an ear infection then imagine how must something must hurt when he does cry in pain. I never knew how much a blood draw really hurts a baby until now. Even with the 2 times he's had to have a shot of Rocephin he didn't cry much. Rocephin is a powerful antibiotic but it hurts going in. But he didn't cry much. Having his blood drawn, however, he cries harder than I've ever heard him cry. And that is how I know that it hurts very badly for them to draw his blood.

I have recently became "that mom" who has to leave the room when their child has blood drawn. Because when he starts crying so hard he holds his breath a few seconds before inhaling and screaming again, I know that baby is in serious pain. And he hates being held down. So he's miserable and in pain. Before Isaiah, when my other babies cried at small pain and big pain, I didn't know which was which. But now I do and it absolutely breaks my heart for him. If I don't get down the hall before he starts crying then I start crying as well. If I had to be in the room with him I would absolutely lose my composure and have a breakdown. So I leave the room.

Needles...they don't bother me. It is because very few things make my baby cry. Having blood drawn makes him cry. And it hurts him really badly. After all he's been through, it kills me. My husband can handle it. He was in the room with him last Monday when they did labs. Even he had a few tears in his eyes when I got back. I can't though. And as guilty as I feel, somehow the nurses always understand. If someone from the lab has to come do it, they aren't as understanding. Nurses, medics, and some doctors - they get it though. And when they say, "It's okay, Mama. We understand. Trust me!" then it doesn't make me feel as much of a monster.

So leaving the room to avoid me becoming a patient as well -- it isn't about the needle at all. It is the easygoing baby who is about to let out a ginormous cry. A baby who didn't have a stronger pain tolerance wouldn't bother me as bad because I wouldn't know how much it hurts. But with Isaiah, I know it is the worst pain he's ever been through because it's the hardest he ever cries.

My Commitment to Readers & Followers

This blog is about all the things.... literally the ups and downs... that surround having a baby with special needs, specifically Down Syndrom. My promise to my readers & followers is to always be honest and to be raw. What does that mean? It means that I will risk being judged and scorned and tell the truth. One of the most helpful things for me was a relative who was raw with her own blog. She was honest about the emotions and stresses she faced when she was gifted a child with special needs. Her honesty might have gotten her a few snide remarks but for someone who faces similar challenges as a "rookie" in this game, her words were literary gold for me. So in my postings, judge if you will. I don't care. Because I know that my raw-ness will be literary gold for someone else.
There are those that will judge and that's fine. I'm not writing for peoples' approval or kudos. I'm writing so that when another mom has a doctor walk into the hospital room with a bombshell, she'll find my blog somehow and read my personal accounts of this lifestyle. She won't feel guilty about the emotions and thoughts going through her mind. Because let me tell you, had my cousin not made that blog post, I would have felt like the worst human in the world. It has been through other peoples' personal accounts that I have drawn strength, hope, courage, and sometimes a few laughs at things only moms that have been gifted a child with special needs would understand. 
If you choose to judge or criticize keep in mind that you don't know someone's journey until you have tasted it yourself. And you will never know what kind of cards life is going to deal so one day you might be in a similar position. But I won't judge or criticize in return. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And you can't imagine what our world is like until you have experienced it.